Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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