I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
