benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
