something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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