I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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