he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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