Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
