MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So squirting runs in the family.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
