dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
