stop calling my apartment porn island.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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