margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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