i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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