I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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