there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
