and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
