i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
