forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
