Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
