theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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