By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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