Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
