I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I met the friendliest cop last night
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
