I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You need a sexual gate keeper
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
