I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
