I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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