i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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