My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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