There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
