oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
