I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
