So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
