I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
