Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Randomize
