apparently the secret to your success is patron
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
