If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
