I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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