god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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