They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
