So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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