I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
