I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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