first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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