The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
