Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
