you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
