The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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