my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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