i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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