ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
