So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
